Really? Here's the Thing, dear
by AdmHawthorne
Summary: Maura decides she and Jane need to go on vacation to a little town she's head of called Storybrooke. While there, they come across a mystery and then have to deal with Mayor and Sheriff. Total Crack piece. Rizzles & SQ. Please read author notes.
1. Chapter 1

**This is total crack. There's nothing but fluff. I can't even say there's a plot here. I just wanted an excuse to put Season 1 in personality (though Season 5 experiences) Jane and Maura in the same setting as Post Wicked Witch / Post Robin Hood Regina and Emma. Really. That's the only reason this fic exists.**

**Assume both pairs are in relationships. Assume everyone has come to terms with that. Assume, again, that this is total crack.**

**IT'S CRACK, I TELL YOU!**

**_Rizzoli & Isles _Characters aren't mine. They belong to TNT, Warner Brothers, Tess Gerritsen, and other assorted entities of importance. I gain nothing from writing these stories but the fun of doing it. Please don't sue me.**

**_Once Upon a Time _Characters aren't mine. They belong to ABC, Disney, and other assorted entities of importance. I gain nothing from writing these stories but the fun of doing it. Please don't sue me.**

* * *

"All I'm saying," Emma said as she crossed her arms and looked down at the mayor, "is that you're short."

"I am _not_ short," Regina replied with a glare sitting heavily upon her features. "I am of an average height for a woman. How tall are _you_?"

"I'm 5' 5". The average height for a woman in the US is..."

"I'm going to stop you right there, Sheriff." The brunette leaned down to put on her shoes, effectively elevating her just slightly above the blonde. "I, too, am 5' 5". I wear 3 to 4 inch heels, and that puts me at eye level with most of the men in this town. Neither one of us is an Amazon. The average height for a woman is 5'4". We are only an inch taller than the national average."

Emma snorted. "You really expect me to believe we're the same height?"

"Believe it or not, it is the truth." Turning to check herself in the full length mirror of her closet, Regina wiped away a few wrinkles from her dress before sliding on a jacket. "No, this won't do," she muttered to herself and began to strip. "A suit. I think yes, a suit." She moved to hang her clothes up and then go into the section of her closet devoted to her power suits.

"Oh yeah?" The younger woman flopped down on the bed and stared up at the ceiling. "Well, if we're the same height, then how come _I _can reach the top shelves in the kitchen to put dishes up and _you _can't unless you're wearing your heels?"

"Because _I_ refuse to climb up the cabinetry like a primate." The brunette pulled out a three piece suit, dark blue with a white line running around the lapel, and smiled. "Yes, this will work."

"That's the suit you were wearing when I broke the first curse." Emma winced. "Why that one, and did you just call me a monkey?"

"Because this one is a subtle reminder of how much power I can wield when threatened, and," Regina gave a humorless, predatory smile as she looked over the outfit in her hands, "yes, I did just call you a monkey."

"I'll have you know that I am a Swan, _not_ a monkey, thank you." Sitting up, Emma let her legs dangle off the side of the bed. "Just how important is this meeting we're going to anyway? I thought it was just a routine town counsel meeting."

"Mills," the brunette corrected absentmindedly as she tucked her crisp white Oxford into her pants. "You're a Swan-Mills, dear, and very. This meeting determines who will be allowed to continue dealing with the town's issues. Essentially," she pulled on her jacket with an authoritative snap and smiled at her reflection, "the elders will be deciding who is the actual mayor whether I am mayor in title or not."

"That makes no sense whatsoever," the sheriff said, standing and gingerly moving a hand through her hair to attempt to fix it. "Mayors don't set town laws. City counsels do in conjunction with proposals from the mayor's office."

"I see you really did pay attention in your government classes." Sighing, Regina walked out of the closet and toward the master bath. "However, regular rules of engagement don't apply to the government here, as you well know."

"Terrific." Emma followed the older woman into the bathroom and took a seat on the commode as she watched the brunette put her jewelry on. "So what you're telling me is that we're deciding who our new queen is going to be tonight, is that it?"

Regina sighed and turned to lean against the counter to face the blonde. "Yes. That's it in a nutshell, and, even though Mary Margaret was their queen for a time, I sincerely hope they realize she has absolutely no practical knowledge _at all _in how to run a town. She and her charming husband barely kept the kingdom running once they overthrew me."

"I can't help but feel you purposefully forget that you're talking about my parents when you say things like that." Wiping at her face, Emma groaned. "Why can't anything in this town be easy?"

"Because a happily ever after is only as sweet as the turmoil that brought you to it," the mayor replied in a dry, acrid tone. "Shall we?"

"Uh, no." The younger woman slowly shook her head. "I just want to say this before I have to go out there and pretend like it doesn't bother the crap out of me that everyone still thinks my wife enchanted me and that's why I married her." She rolled her eyes, clearly annoyed. "It's been _two years_..." She shrugged it off. "Also, if we're choosing the ruling monarchs tonight, don't I count?"

"Of course you do," Regina replied with a tilt of her head. "Why would you think you didn't?"

"Well, for starters, no one bothered to _tell me_ that this was what was going down tonight." Emma held a hand up. "_And_ I'm never included in these things normally anyway."

"You are now." Taking in a deep breath, Regina frowned in thought. "You're married to me, which means that, if we were in the Enchanted Forest, you'd be a ruling monarch with me _and _your parents. The last time we were all there, we agreed to co-rule the land. As a princess and an heir, that wouldn't have affected you, but you're no longer a princess."

"Don't say." Emma shuddered. "Please don't say it."

"Fine, but that doesn't make it any less true, Emma." Shaking her head, the brunette pressed on with her thoughts. "Tonight is about how we'll deal with the town now that everything seems to have settled down. With the borders open again, it's only a matter of time before someone from the outside finds their way here, and we need to decide now how best to handle that."

"So it's not about who is going to be in charge?" The sheriff narrowed her eyes.

"Yes and no. It's about who gets to make the tougher decisions when the inevitable happens. I think it should be someone who isn't afraid to do something others may see as extreme. Sometimes the extreme is what is needed in order to protect the masses." Shrugging, Regina pushed off the counter and offered a hand to the other woman. "Your parents seem to think we can hope for the best, and, if our secrets are revealed, we'll swear them to secrecy and all will be well because, as you know," she rolled her eyes, "humanity is a trustworthy group."

Emma took the offered hand. "Right, so I'll be standing on your side again tonight."

"I should hope so," Regina replied with a trace of humor lacing her voice. "I understand the guest room's bed is rather uncomfortable."

"You bought an uncomfortable bed on purpose. I know. I was there when you bought it." The blonde chuckled. "I think the status quo for the town is fine. I feel like we've worked everything out, haven't we? When things happen that could get our secret out, all the... um... the..."

"The royals, dear. You can say it. It won't hurt you." The brunette laughed at her wife. "All this time, and you still have such a problem with that."

"It's still weird. It's never NOT going to be weird." Emma sighed, following the brunette down the stairs to the front door. "Anyway, like I was saying, we all come together, and we're pretty good at making a call on what to do."

"I agree. I think the town counsel just wants something more official about what we already unofficially do." Regina opened the door and was greeted with a cool spring evening. She inhaled deeply, smiling at the assault of fresh air on her senses. "I'm sure everything will be fine. We may even make it home in time to watch that new episode of Pawn Stars you've been talking about all day."

Emma bounced happily behind, shutting and locking the front door. "Sweet. Let's get there so we can get back here. I have things to see and a wife to fondle on the couch during commercial breaks."

Regina rolled her eyes, mumbling on the way to the car, "I don't know why I put up with you some days..."

* * *

"Wait, _where_ are we going?" Jane held up the printed sheet of paper and squinted at it. "_Maine_?"

"Yes," Maura replied again for the third time as she continued to pack. "I thought it would be nice to go out of state for a little while. A change of scenery can do wonders."

Giving an overly dramatic sigh, Jane flopped down on the bed, disturbing the doctor's packing. "I've never even heard of this town. How did you find it? Some kind of fancy schmancy app for towns no one's heard of or something? Oh my god, Maura, are you going hipster on me?"

The older woman rolled her eyes and yanked the bra now stuck beneath the detective's leg free. "No. I heard about it from a man who used to take breakfast in the cafe. He was working as a freelance writer, and he said he like the atmosphere there in the mornings." She stood up and considered her packing job, shook her head, and began pulling things out of the suitcase. "His name was August Booth. I'm sure you remember him?"

Jane pursed her lips in thought. "Oh yeah, the ruggedly handsome guy with the really blue eyes who kept hitting on Chang." She smirked. "He never had a chance. Chang's smart enough to know not to date a reporter."

"Yes, Susie has always been cautious of doing something that would put her integrity on the line." Maura began refolding the items she'd removed and placing them back into the suitcase. "August told me about Storybrooke one day when we were discussing small town life. He told me his father lived there as well as a childhood friend." She scowled at the repacked clothes and seemed to be satisfied. Closing the suitcase, she moved it to sit with the rest of the the matching set sitting along the wall by the bedroom door. "I'm afraid I can't recall his father's name, but I know he said he was a woodcarver. The friend's name was," she squinted her eyes in thought. "Emma something avian."

"Swan?" Jane sat up straighter in the bed. "It wasn't Emma Swan, was it?"

Maura's eyes brightened. "Yes! That's it. It was Emma Swan." She paused, aware that something was suddenly wrong. "Do you know that name?"

"Know the name?" The detective huffed with irritation. "I know the person. Swan used to be a bounty hunter here in Boston, if it's the same person I'm thinking of. The woman is a complete pain in the ass, but she was damned good at her job. She stopped bringing in bounties about four years ago now, though. Don't know what happened with that." She shrugged. "I guess she got better work or something."

"Perhaps so." The doctor shook her head. "The colloquial saying is true in some regards, isn't?"

"Yeah, it really is a small world." Jane slid off the bed and headed for the luggage. "So, how long are we staying in Storybrooke?"

"At least a few days, but we can stay the entire week if we find we like it." Maura picked up a few bags to help carry them out to the Mercedes. Taking that car had been her concession to Jane once the other woman had realized they'd be driving. "August told me it was a rather sleepy little town. I feel like it will be a peaceful break for both of us."

"Anything that keeps Ma from starting in on us again about getting married is a peaceful break for us," Jane snarked as she began packing the trunk of the car. "I'll take what I can get."

"Sometimes it is the small victories that are the most hard won," the honey haired woman replied with a chuckle. "Do you want to stop and grab some coffee before we leave town?"

"Yes." The brunette turned around and gave the doctor a quick peck on the lips. "And Cheese-Its."

Maura winced. "Only because we're on vacation, but, if I find cheesy fingerprints anywhere inside my Mercedes..."

"Please! You know I'm good at licking things clean." Jane waggled her eyebrows and winked. "I got this."

With a chuckle, Maura headed to the driver's side to slide in behind the wheel. "Of that, Jane, I have no doubt."

* * *

**Reviews keep me motivated on stories like this. Just putting that out there...**


	2. Chapter 2

"You know, it wouldn't have taken us three hours to get here if you'd just sped up a little bit," Jane said between yawns as she began to unload the back of the Mercedes. "Everyone speeds, Maura, even cops."

"As I said multiple times on the way here," the doctor tiredly replied while she assisted in gathering up their many bags, "laws are in place for a reason, _Detective_."

"Really? I thought you said I wasn't allowed to be a detective while we were on vacation." The taller woman smirked. "Guess this means we get to role play later tonight, huh?"

"You're impossible sometimes, Jane." Shaking her head, Maura led the way as they carefully maneuvered themselves and their luggage into the small bed and breakfast attached to Granny's Diner. "This place is so quaint. Don't you just love it?"

"I'd love a hot shower and a bed more," the other woman grumbled as she staggered a touch under the weight of the bags. "Where is everyone, anyway?"

"It's a small town, Jane. Perhaps most of the occupants go somewhere on Friday evenings?" Reaching forward, Maura hit the dusty silver bell on the desk. "Or maybe there's just one person who works here and they're currently occupied doing something else?"

"Both, actually," a chipper voice answered as a lean, tall brunette wearing a waitress outfit complete with bright red lipstick appeared from a door behind the desk. "There's a town hall meeting tonight, and I'm the only one working here right now." She smiled brightly at the two women. "I'm guessing you two want a room?"

"Yes, please," Maura replied with a bright smile of her own.

"Right," the young woman nodded, opening an old, dusty ledger book with handwritten information in it. "Do you want one room or two?"

"One," the doctor answered as Jane shifted uncomfortably in the background.

The waitress nodded. "Queen or king sized bed?"

"Oh, what's the difference in the rooms?" Maura tilted her head. "Are the room sizes different or just the bed sizes?"

"The king sized bed is located in our deluxe room on the top floor. It basically takes up the entire top floor. It's got a sitting area, a little kitchenette, and a larger bathroom. The queen is our standard room." Looking up, the waitress winced. "Sorry, I probably should have mentioned all of that, too. Granny normally does all of this, but she's at the meeting."

"So, what? Granny owns the diner _and_ the bed and breakfast?" Jane gave an incredulous chuckle.

"Yes, actually," the woman behind the counter replied. Shaking off her puzzled look, she turned back to Maura. "The deluxe room is 100 more a night. The standard room is 120 a night."

Not even taking a moment to consider, the honey haired woman declared happily, "We'll take the deluxe, please."

The waitress nodded. "I'll need your name, type of payment, and a contact phone number, and," she pulled the word out as she flipped through the ledger and then turned it around to face the guests, "if you two could please sign in, that'd be great."

Maura took the offered pen and quickly signed her name on the next available line and then handed the pen over to Jane who hesitantly took it. The detective let her eyes wander over the ledger until they fell to a name that made her quirk an eyebrow. "Captain Hook?" She rolled her eyes. "Hey, Maura, someone doesn't want people to know where they are and who they're doing."

"Jane! Don't be rude," the other woman chastised, giving an apologetic glance to the waitress, who was smirking.

"Yeah, yeah," the detective dismissively answered as she signed in. "Oh, hey, look," she nudged her girlfriend, "Emma Swan… twice?" She looked up to the woman behind the counter. "Do you remember her? Emma Swan? Was she a short blonde with a cocky attitude?"

The waitress let out a bark of amused laughter before she could stop herself. "Yeah, I know Emma." She smiled widely. "She's the town's sheriff."

"Seriously?" Jane cocked an eyebrow. "Emma Swan is your _sheriff_?" She snorted. "Well, that's a step up," she muttered almost under her breath.

"Do you know our sheriff?" The young brunette asked, genuinely curious.

"Yeah, sort of. If it's really who I think it is, we used to run into each other off and on when she was still in Boston." Jane frowned. "Do you know if this Emma Swan was ever in Boston?"

"Yes, she was. She used to be a bounty hunter," the other woman confirmed with a nod.

"Oh yeah, that's her." Jane rolled her eyes. "I can't believe she's actually a sheriff. Talk about doing a 180." She shrugged, picking up the bags she'd put down. "At least I know how to bribe our way out of jail if we get arrested."

Before Maura could admonish the detective, the waitress replied, "Bear claws and a large cup of coffee."

Jane nodded. "Yup, or a large cup of hot cocoa with some cinnamon." They both chuckled. "What's your name, anyway?"

"Oh, right!" The waitress blushed. "Ruby. My name is Ruby Lucas, but some people call me Red."

"Ruby Red?" The detective smirked. "I see what they did there."

"Well, Ms. Lucas, thank you for all your help tonight," Maura cut in, trying to get them up to their room. "Is there anything else you need," she asked as she handed over her credit card.

"Nope, let me process this, and I'll get you your key." Ruby took the card and turned with a bounce to go fetch the key from the back room.

"You do realize this means I have to take at least half a day at some point while we're here to terrorize Swan, right?" Jane nudged Maura's arm.

"I suspected as much," the doctor said with a sigh.

* * *

"I feel that went well," Regina lightly commented as she disrobed and placed her clothes in the appropriate places in her closet.

"If by 'well,' you mean it's great the town considers me to be that thing I hate, then yeah, it was awesome." Emma tossed her jacket over the back of the chaise and plopped on the end of it to pull off her boots. "Why can't I just be the sheriff?"

"Because you're not," the brunette answered, humor threading through her reply. "You're the Savior, the once Heir to the Throne, and my wife, which makes you much more than _just_ the sheriff." Stepping out of the closet in nothing at all, Regina sauntered over to the blonde and sat down over her legs. "How about I make you forget about the meeting tonight, hmm?"

"What meeting?" Emma's hands reflexively came up to wrap around the smooth, tanned skin of the older woman. Her eyes roamed over Regina's body, finally settling on quirked lips.

The brunette chuckled. "I think a bath is in order, don't you?"

The sheriff dumbly nodded yes, standing with the other woman in her arms. "Bath, yes," she answered in a darkening tone. "Other things after."

"Oh? Like what?" Regina leaned forward to nibble at her wife's ear, licking lightly against the heated skin she found there. "Something fun, I hope," she whispered in hoarse tone.

Emma coughed, sputtering despite herself. "All this time, and you can still make my brain stop working," she muttered more in amazement than irritation. Stopping inside the master bath, she carefully set Regina down on the vanity's stool before she finished removing her own clothes.

With a smirk, Regina sauntered over to the tub to start the water. "Please let me know the moment I can't because it means one of us probably dead."

"Perish the thought!" The younger woman reached around, pressing her body against the brunette's. "Even if I was dead, I'm still pretty sure your voice alone could do evil things to me."

The older woman let a low, rumbling chuckle escape as she pushed back against the blonde, humming in contentment at the feel of being wrapped in her wife's arms. "Ready, dear?"

Emma buried her nose in the other woman's hair, taking in a deep breath. "Always," she answered, guiding them both into the tub.

* * *

**I'm just going to keep saying it in A/Ns in this story, and I'm sorry to be annoying, but I ALWAYS appreciate reviews. :-)**


	3. Chapter 3

"I want bacon and," Jane drew the word out as she looked over the diner's menu, "pancakes." Her eyes grew a little wide. "Maura, they have apple pancakes here. _Apple._" She was practically giddy. "I want that and bacon and coffee and," she looked over the breakfast food options one more time, "hash browns."

"Apparently, you also want to go on a run after this," the doctor replied with amusement.

"What?" Jane balked. "NO! Maura, this is supposed to be our vacation time. We're supposed to be relaxing."

"And there's nothing more relaxing than a nice run," Maura countered with a smirk at the near tantrum the other woman was throwing. "Besides, we drove past a lovely park on our way in today, and I'd love to go explore it a bit."

Desperate to not go running, the dark haired brunette tried for a bargain. "What if I threw out the hash browns and just had apple pancakes and bacon?"

The doctor rolled her eyes. "We're going to go on a run, so eat whatever you'd like."

"Man." With a grunt and a huff, Jane dropped her menu onto the table and picked up her coffee to sip at it while she glared at her girlfriend.

"Good morning you two." Ruby stepped up, greeting them both with a happy smile. "I see Granny already got your drinks, so can I get your order?"

"Apple pancakes," Jane petulant replied, still a little pouty, "with a side of bacon and hash browns."

The waitress eyed her curiously but took the order down with a nod.

"I'd like a vegetable omelet, please." Maura gave her girlfriend a quick warning look. "No onions with a side of fruit and whole wheat toast."

Ruby nodded, taking the menus as she repeated the order back. "And, before I go, do you have any questions about the town? Since this is your first time to visit, I'd be happy to recommend some places to you."

"That's very kind of you," the doctor replied with a warm smile. "Thank you. We were actually considering taking a run through the park this morning. What do you think of that?"

"It has a great trail," Ruby eagerly offered, "and there's also a nice trail down around the docks. I'd stay away from the fishmonger area, though." She whispered in a conspiratorial tone, "It's a little fishy."

Jane chuckled. Maura looked puzzled. "How about places to do stuff," the detective asked, honestly curious. "You know, like a theater or something?"

"We have those, too, but nothing's going on at the theater right now. I think they're practicing for a run of 'Wicked,' but there's a halt on it due to some," the waitress winced, "political complications."

"For 'Wicked'?" Maura shook her head in confusion. "I've seen that musical. There's nothing strikingly political about it that would cause a stir, normally."

"Yeah," the server drawled out as her smile tightened a touch. "Let's just say the Wicked Witch of the West isn't our Mayor's favorite character."

"Must be one hell of a powerful mayor for them to halt a local production just because he doesn't like the main character." Jane set her empty mug down but kept her attention on the conversation.

Ruby glanced at it, seeing her out. "_She_ is pretty up there, yeah. I see you're out of coffee. I'll just go get you some and put in your order. Let me know if you need anything else." Before they could make another request, Ruby was gone.

"That was weird," Jane said with a touch of suspicion in her voice. "Don't you think that was weird?"

"Maybe she just doesn't like to talk about politics?" Maura glanced around the diner to find something to redirect to. The last thing she wanted was to become involved in some sort of mystery while they were trying to relax. "Oh, Jane, look at that little boy. Isn't he precious?"

Jane turned to follow the other woman's line of sight and smiled when she found a small, curly haired boy playing with a stuffed monkey in at a table at the back of the room. His dimpled smile was infections, and she found herself smiling along as he held the monkey up to show the man next to him and then to the woman across from the boys. The woman gave a smile that was both amused and a little sad while the man seemed to be weary.

The little boy made his stuffed monkey fly around his head for a moment before he let it drop onto the top of the table. His eyes sparkled with mirth while he playacted holding a bow and arrow to shoot the monkey. The man next to him, likely his father, watched on with pride, clapping the little boy on the shoulder and giving him praise as the woman, likely his mother, watched on with that same sad look in her eyes, though she smiled warmly at them both.

"Yeah, he's cute," Jane agreed. She was just about to turn around when the boy noticed her watching him. Their eyes met and he tilted his head in curiosity. Neither scared nor apprehensive, the child was obviously baffled by her. He turned to his father and said something. In turn, his father looked across the room and made eye contact. Jane expected some sort of hostility. Instead, the man gave a friendly nod and stood up, coming over to their booth.

"Hello," he said in a deep baritone. He smiled kindly at them. "You must be new here. I'm Robin."

"Hello," Maura answered for them both. "We're just here for a little while to visit." She motioned to the woman across from here. "This is Jane and I'm Maura."

"Well, it's very nice to meet you." Robin looked at both them in turn, meeting their eyes, and giving them a nod of greeting. "Do you have questions about Storybrooke? I'd be very happy to help you find your way around. I know when I first arrived here, it seemed like a much larger town than it actually is."

"We're from Boston," Jane offered a little harshly.

"Ah, a _much_ larger town than here," he said with a smile. "Still, if there's anything I or my wife could do…"

"Your wife?" Jane narrowed her eyes. "Volunteering her up, are you?"

"Jane, stop it," Maura hissed under her breath before turning back to Robin. "Thank you, Robin. That's very kind of both you and your wife. I'm sorry, I didn't catch her name."

"Marian," he offered happily, "and the little scamp you were watching is our son, Roland."

The doctor tilted her head, face flashing with a look Jane knew all too well. The wheels were working. "Marian and Robin? Oh, how lovely," the honey brunette exclaimed with delight. "Just like in the books. Did you know," she said, taking a deep breath, "references to Robin Hood come up as early as the 13th century? Historical records of that time suggest names such as Robehod and Rabunhod were common monikers for criminals, and by the time of the 14th and 15th century, there are literary references to Robin Hood. But, instead of being a nobleman or fallen knight, which is how we know him today, he was a common yeoman who was rather violent and lived in Sherwood Forest with his fellow outlaws. The stories of that time did have him clashing with the Sheriff of Nottingham, but Maid Marian and Friar Tuck weren't in those stories? They didn't actually appear in the tales surrounding Robin Hood until much later."

Robin's smile turned a touch waxy and he blinked slowly at her. "No, I can't say that I did know that, but," he seemed to shake out of whatever trance he'd been lulled into, "that is rather fascinating," he assured as his smile warmed back up.

"You have to excuse her," Jane said with a smirk. "She googlemouths around new people."

Robin tilted his head, obviously confused. "I'm sorry?"

The doctor glared at her girlfriend again. "Don't mind Jane. She's just fussy because we're going running after breakfast this morning."

"Ah, there's nothing wrong with a good run," Robin said, back to his jovial self. "May I suggest the park? The trail there is really beautiful right now."

"Actually, that is where we were planning to go." The honey brunette gave him a friendly smile. "Thank you."

He nodded. "Of course. I hope you both enjoy your visit." With a finally goodbye, he turned back to his table.

"Friendly, aren't they?" Jane looked around the diner again, taking in the locals.

The other woman sighed. "There's nothing wrong with that."

"There's nothing right with it, either. Maura, their names are Robin and Marian. Come on, what are the odds?" Leaning forward a little, the detective hissed under her breath, "I think we're being punked."

"We are _not_," Maura replied in exasperation. "Jane, stop trying to find issues where there aren't any. Can't you, for now, simply enjoy having time off?"

"But," Jane started to protest only to be cut off by another warning look from her girlfriend. "Okay, fine, but, if we meet a Little John or someone else from Sherwood Forest, I reserve the right to believe we're being punked."

"Whatever will calm you down enough to enjoy this trip," the doctor calmly replied as she looked over to see Ruby headed their way with plates in her hands. "I believe that's our food."

* * *

"You're taking a break," Emma declared as she strolled confidentially into the mayor's office.

From behind her desk, Regina looked up over the top of her glasses. "Am I?"

"Yes, you are. You left the house this morning before breakfast or before I even woke up, and it's already 8:15. I know you're starving, I miss my wife, and that means you're taking a break so we can go to Granny's and get something to eat." The sheriff leaned over the desk and grabbed the pen out of the brunette's hand. "Less working, more spending quality time with your other half."

"Were you always this demanding," the mayor asked as she rose from her chair.

"Yes. You find it charming," the younger woman countered with a wink at the eye roll she received for the comment. "Besides, you know you love me."

"I do," Regina agreed, walking around the desk to give her wife a quick kiss. "Very much so, but I can't be gone for long. There's a reason why I came to work so early today."

"You finally broke down and agreed to meet with the dwarves?" Emma offered her arm as they walked out of the office together.

"Yes, and, unfortunately, that means a great deal of prep work for me. Even though I've been paying close attention to the situation at the mines, I still feel underprepared for the meeting this afternoon." The mayor stopped to inform her assistant of her change in plans and then turned to walk on. "I left at 6 AM."

"I _know_, and I'm _starving_," Emma whined while they walked arm-in-arm to the diner. "I haven't eaten since last night."

"You know, dear, you are perfectly capable of fixing yourself something to eat." The brunette rolled her eyes.

"Yeah, but I'd rather wait and eat with you. Besides, I figured you'd need a break when I realized you were already gone when I woke up." She smiled fondly at her wife and then frowned. "Crap. I left my wallet at the station, and you don't have your purse. Why don't you go inside and grab us a table, and I'll run over to the station and get my wallet?"

"Fine, but, if you come back with donuts on your breath, I refuse to allow you to order a waffle," Regina warmed, but the warmth in her voice belayed any real threat. "I'll see you in a few moments."

One quick departing kiss, and Emma turned to trot to the station while Regina stepped inside to grab a table.

* * *

**You guys are awesome for reviewing. Thank you so much! I hope you keep doing it because it is so much fun to hear what you think. :-)**


	4. Chapter 4

Regina strolled into the diner with her mind firmly on the sheriff. She barely glanced in the direction of the counter as she walked to their usual booth, and, just as she was about to sit down, a pair of little arms wrapped around her, taking her by surprise.

"Regina!"

She looked down and smiled at Roland. "Hello, dear." She knelt to be eye level with him. Gently, she pushed a few curls out of his face. "What are you doing here so early? Don't you have a maiden to save?"

"Papa said," the little boy's face pulled into a deep look of concentration, "that I should help maidens but not save them." He nodded, pleased with what he'd recited, then seemed to think better of it, and shook his head in the negative. "No, he said maidens don't need rescuing," he spoke slowly, trying to remember what he'd been told, "they need support." He face brightened up, and his little eyes gleamed with pride at having remembered what his father had told him.

"And _that_ is very true," Regina confirmed as she looked at him fondly. "Remember, we're all equals, my little archer."

His dimples popped. "Except for _you_," he exclaimed happily. "You're the Queen!"

"Queen?" A deep alto voice boomed out from the booth next to hers. Regina looked up to see a wild haired brunette and a well dressed woman staring at her. The wild one spoke again. "Did that kid just call you the queen?"

She internally sighed. Tourists. It was times like these she wished she could lock down the borders again, but she doubted her wife would approve of never seeing another cup of Starbucks. "Well, little Roland sometimes lets his imagination get the best of him," she offered, facing falling into her best politician's smile as she stood up. She kept a hand on the boy's shoulder but pulled her attention fully to her audience. "I'm the mayor, actually." She walked over, Roland in tow, to offer her hand. "Regina Swan-Mills. And you are?"

"But, Regina," Roland protested a little too loudly.

She quickly cut him off, bending down just enough to be eye level. "Roland, why don't you go back to your papa and momma, and I'll come by in a little bit with the sheriff to say hello, okay?"

He looked crestfallen but nodded his little head. "Promise? Monkey is here. He misses you."

Her smile faltered just a touch. "I promise. Tell Monkey that I'll be by to make sure he's still behaving in just a bit, okay, my little archer?"

That seemed to pacify him, and he nodded, giving her a quick hug before trotting back to the table where his parents were sitting, watching the entire exchange.

Regina turned back to the two women at the booth. "I'm sorry. Where were we?"

"You were about to tell us why that little boy called you the queen," the dark, wild haired brunette stated as she crossed her arms.

"Actually," the other woman said in a far more gracious tone. "We were about to introduce ourselves." She gave an apologetic smile to the mayor. "I'm Maura Isles, and this is Jane Rizzoli. We're visiting your town for a few days for a much needed vacation."

"Well, I'm very happy to hear that." Clasping her hands together in front of her, Regina turned to give them each an approving look. "We may be small, but Storybrooke has much to offer to someone who appreciates a slower pace in life."

"Let me guess," Jane cut in before the sales pitch about the town could get started. "You'd be happy to help us with any questions we have about the town, right?"

Politician's smile still solidly in place, the mayor gave a nod. "Well, I _am _the mayor. Who better to answer your questions about the town than the person who runs it?"

"And we appreciate your offer, Mayor Swan-Mills," Maura cut in as she gave Jane a swift kick under the table. The other woman shot an annoyed look back. "We were going to take a run through the park after breakfast."

"Well, the park has an excellent running trail," Regina offered with the smile that didn't quite reach her eyes. "We also have several hiking trails through the woods surrounding our town, and, if you'd prefer a place more for strolling than running or hiking, there's a formal gardens just on the other side of Town Hall from here." She motioned in the correct direction with her left hand. "The roses are in bloom right now, and they're lovely."

"So is your ring," the doctor said as her eyes zeroed in on the ring in question. "What kind of stone is that?"

Holding out her left hand, Regina's smiled became a touch more genuine. "My engagement ring is a black diamond. The stones along the band wedding band are rubies."

"They're very complimentary." Maura reached out to take the offered hand. "Does your spouse have a matching band?"

"No," the mayor answered with a touch of amusement in her voice. "My wife's proclivity toward losing jewelry led us to decide getting her a reasonably priced band was a better choice. However, it is black with a red trim to match my rings."

Nodding, the doctor released the mayor's hand. "Jane is prone to losing things, too. It's one of the reasons why she never carries a purse."

"Hey!" The detective cut in. "I _do not_ lose things. It's not my fault that they disappear."

Maura looked bemused. "Yes, your best suit jacket just _happened_ to disappear." She chuckled, waving her hand dismissively. "Honestly, Jane, I don't know how it is you can find the most obscure clue that leads to an arrest, but you can't find your keys in the morning."

"Arrest?" Regina's eyebrows rose in surprise. "Are you in law enforcement, Ms. Rizzoli?"

"_Detective _Rizzoli, and, yeah, I work for Boston PD. I'm in the homicide unit." Jane puffed her chest out a little, nodding to the woman across from her. "And _Doctor _Isles is the Chief Medical Examiner for Massachusetts."

Tilting her head in consideration, Regina opened her mouth to ask another question when she was cut off by the diner's door opening and a voice calling out breathlessly, "I'm sorry that took so long, Regina, but Mary Margaret caught me and wanted to tell me everything Neal's been doing since we saw him last night at the town hall meeting."

Emma walked over to her wife, huffing along the way. "It's great he's doing so well, but, honestly, I'm so hungry I sort of want to chew my hand off now."

"Charming," Regina said in an odd intonation. Before Emma could respond, she motioned at the booth. "Dear, meet Doctor Maura Isles and Detective Jane Rizzoli. They're here for a visit from Boston."

Emma slowly turned from the mayor to the lanky brunette giving her a smirk from her place in the booth. "Rizzoli." She shifted uncomfortably, shoving her hands into her back pockets, which caused her leather jacket to pull back and reveal her badge.

"Swan," Jane respond, glancing down at the badge. "You've been busy."

"Well, you know," the blonde shrugged, "life."

"You two know each other?" Regina looked from one law enforcement agent to the other.

The sheriff grunted. "Yeah, Jane and I used to run into each other sometimes when I was a bounty hunter in Boston."

"Back then she was always about two steps away from getting arrested again, and now," Jane shook her head, "you're sheriff? How the hell did _that_ happen?"

"Well, there was an election…" Emma trailed off, annoyance and discomfort warring with each other in her voice.

"Yeah, I got that," the detective said. Rolling her eyes, she waved a hand at the blonde. "What I _mean_ is how is it that you're settled enough to hold down a full time job? I mean, the last time I saw you, you were renting that place in downtown and owned about five boxes worth of stuff. What happened? Someone dare you to run for sheriff?"

"No." Emma glared at Jane. Regina snorted, which made the sheriff glare at her in turn. "Not exactly, anyway," she added with a sigh. "Look, I settled down. I found a place to lay down some roots. Is that so hard to believe?"

The detective shrugged. "A little, yeah. Did you find somebody or what?"

"Jane, really, must you be so intrusive?" Maura looked appalled.

Jane ignored her. "Come on, Swan. What's up with this? Small town life was _never_ your speed."

"Okay, here's the thing," Emma said, clearly giving up on not giving out her personal information, "I have a son."

"Seriously?" Jane's eyebrows rose in shock. "How old?"

"He's almost 15 now." Pulling her phone out of her back pocket, Emma pulled up a picture of Henry and turned it to show the seated women. "His name is Henry, and, when he was 10, he found me in Boston."

"Found you?" Maura shook her head. "What do you mean?"

"I… um, well…" The blonde let out a small, sad sound. "I was young when I had him, and I wanted to give him his best chance, so I put him up for adoption right after he was born."

"Oh," the doctor nodded. "I understand. That was a brave and noble thing to do, Sheriff."

"Yeah," Emma blew the compliment off, "and it worked out because Regina adopted him."

At mention of her name, the mayor nodded. "It was one of the best decisions I've ever made."

"So, when Henry was 10, he figured out who I was and where I was, and he ran away to go get me." At the memory, Emma grinned. "Some things happened, I wound up moving here and becoming deputy, the sheriff died, and I was voted in as the new sheriff."

"Sounds like you've had an interesting few years," Jane said with a shake of her head. "Never would've pegged you as the kid kind of girl, Swan."

"Swan-_Mills_, actually," the sheriff corrected. She nodded toward the mayor. "Regina and I've been married for almost two years now."

The detective nodded in acceptance. "So you got a white picket fence, too?"

"As a matter of fact, we do," Regina answered smugly.

"What an interesting love story," Maura commented. "It almost sounds like a fairy tale, doesn't it?"

Emma blanched. Regina balked. Someone somewhere in the tiny diner coughed, clearly covering up a chuckle. "I'm not really a fan of fairy tales," Emma said with a wince. "Not my thing."

"I much prefer reality to tales of magic and dragons," Regina followed in a dry tone.

"Well, we all have our preferences," Maura replied, a perplexed expression on her face at their odd reaction to her observation. "Sheriff, would you and the mayor like to have dinner with us one night while we're in town?"

"Oh… uh… I don't…." Emma looked at Regina, eyes pleading for help.

"We're free tomorrow night," the mayor smoothly stepped in. "You're welcome to come to our home. We'd be happy to host you."

"Thank you," Maura said with a smile. "What time?"

"Say 6:30?" Regina's smile was a little tight. "108 Mifflin Street."

Maura nodded. "Wonderful! We'll be there. Thank you."

"Of course. Now, if you'll excuse us, we really should sit and order something. I have to be back to work soon." Regina placed her hand on the small of Emma's back, intent on steering her away to their booth.

"Actually, Jane and I should be going. I'd like to take our run before it gets too far into the day." Maura stood, giving Jane a look that allowed for no additional protests. "It was lovely to meet you both."

"Yeah," Emma nodded, glancing at Jane wearily, "you, too."

As the doctor and detective paid and left, Emma settled down with a huff into her side of the booth. "You know, I actually hate that woman."

"I assumed as much," Regina replied with a smirk. "But you know how much I enjoy making you uncomfortable, and, besides, it's not very often I get to meet someone for _your_ past."

The blonde groaned, conceding full defeat. "Fine, but I demand lasagna and apple pie tomorrow night."

"Of course, dear." The brunette chuckled. "I expected nothing less."

* * *

**After rereading this, I realized I'd used every catch phrase from each of the four main characters in this chapter. That's _got _to net me some points somewhere, right? ;-)**


	5. Chapter 5

"Oh, Jane, look at that man's dog!" Maura came to a bouncing stop in her running with the detective reluctantly pausing next to her. "I've always liked Dalmatians."

Jane glanced around the park, quickly taking everything in before turning back to the strange little man in the round glasses playing fetch with his dog. "Yeah, they're okay. I'm more of Lab kind of person, but Dalmatians are cute. I always thought they looked a little too thin."

"I actually prefer Doberman Pinschers. They're highly intelligent and retain training well, are very alert, remarkable obedient, and tend to be fearless in situations in which other breeds of dog would cower. Also, despite media representation, Dobermans are actually wonderful as family guardians and companions because of their strong protective instincts." Maura smiled as the Dalmatian they were watching snatched the ball from its owner's hands and took off running the opposite direction from the man.

"They're also scary as hell when you piss them off." The dark haired brunette made an uncomfortable face. "I've run into more than a couple when I worked vice. They will _not_ hesitate to chew you into bits if you're someplace they don't think you should be."

"As I said, they're excellent protectors." The doctor chuckled at the dog they were watching as it bobbed and weaved out of its owners grasp. "This Dalmatian seems to enjoy being playful."

"Looks like he's a pain in the ass to me," Jane replied with a light chuckle of her own. "I wonder how long that guy is going to chase his dog before he realizes the dog's just messing with him?"

Maura tilted her head as they watched the interaction. "Good question."

The dog finally dropped the ball and sat, patiently waiting for his owner to make it to him. Just as the man was leaning down to pick up the ball and clip the leash onto the dog's collar, the Dalmatian snatched the ball from the ground and leapt up, taking off full speed toward the women, who began to laugh at the scene.

It was Jane who knelt on the ground as the dog came nearer to them. "Hey, come here, boy," she said, a laugh still tinging her voice. She held out a hand for him to sniff. "I bet your owner is pretty worn out. Why not give him a break, huh?"

Smiling warmly at Jane, Maura joined her and held out her own hand to the dog, who was now looking quizzically at both of them. "You're a very handsome Dalmatian," she said in her best soothing voice. "May I scratch you behind your ear?"

As if the dog understood her, he stepped closer, sat down in front of her, dropped his ball, and turned his head. He gave a little bark and then waited. She laughed and reached to scratch him. He happily leaned into it while Jane slowly reached forward to take hold of his collar. He gave her a passing look but didn't bother to protest.

"Thank you," the man who had been chasing the dog said breathlessly as he came to a stop in front of them. He panted, leaning forward to rest his hands on his knees. "Pongo," he addressed the dog, "you know you can't run off like that." Slowly, he started to get his breathing back under control.

"Pongo?" Jane looked up, eyebrow cocked. "Really?"

"I'm afraid he likes to run off." The man said as his breathing slowed. "Normally, he'll come back to me. I don't know what's gotten into him today." He leaned forward from his bent position to snap the leash on Pongo's collar before standing up. "Thank you for catching him."

"You're very welcome," Maura replied with a smile as the two women rose to stand again. "But we really didn't do anything."

"Yeah, he kind of came to us," Jane said with a shrug. Looking down at the dog looking up at her, she narrowed her eyes. "Right… _Pongo_?"

The dog barked at her in reply, and she chuckled, shaking her head. She looked back to the man. "So does Pongo here have a Perdita?"

The dog whined as his owner gave a little, amused grin. "Uh, no, actually he doesn't." He looked almost chagrined. "I'm afraid we're both bachelors."

"I remember being single," the detective said with a sigh. "It sucks."

Maura quickly added, "But we're sure you'll find someone one day, Mister…?"

"Hopper," the man cordially replied, raising his hand to offer a shake. "Doctor Archie Hopper."

The medical examiner's smile warmed. "It's very nice to meet you, Dr. Hopper. I'm Doctor Maura Isles, and this is Detective Jane Rizzoli."

"You're a doctor as well?" Archie leaned his head back and squinted a little as he looked at her through his round glasses. "What field?"

"Medical examiner," Maura answered. "I work in Boston. Jane and I are here on a little vacation. And you? What field are you in?"

He nodded. "Psychology."

"You're a shrink?" Jane's eyebrows rose with a touch of surprise.

"Well, yes, some people like to call me that, but don't worry, detective, I have no intentions of shrinking _your_ head. At least, not today." He smiled. "It's the weekend, and I promised Pongo we'd take the day off and have a bit of an actual break."

"I've always appreciated psychology." Maura reached up to rest her hand on Jane's arm, keeping her from saying more. "Though not an exact science by any means, I've come to learn psychology is extremely helpful in allowing us to understand ourselves and what our inner voice often tries to tell us."

"I just try to guide people toward whatever it is they feel will make them better as a person. Sometimes, it helps just to have somebody to talk to who is impartial." He gave a self-depreciating shrug.

Jane rolled her eyes. "No offense, doc, but I'm not a fan of shrinks. I mean, I get what you guys try to do and everything, but it's never been my cup of tea. I can listen to my own inner voice, thanks. Mostly, it tells me to listen to Maura." She threw the other woman a mischievous look and got an eye roll in response. "She keeps me out of trouble. You know, like my own personal Jiminy Cricket."

Archie flinched for a moment, face faltering before he could pull it into a tight smile. "And I'm sure she does a wonderful job." Giving a glance to the sky, he shook his head. "It's getting close to lunchtime. If you'll excuse us, I think I'm going to head over to the diner for something to eat." He nodded at them both. "It was very nice to meet you both. I hope you have a nice stay." With a parting wave, he and the dog were off toward the diner.

"Weird guy," Jane said with a snort. "Wonder what's up with him?"

Maura shrugged. "Perhaps he was just hungry? Come on, let's finish our run so we can enjoy that large tub in our suite."

"Yes." The detective took off at a sprint. "First one there gets to pick which bubble bath to use," she yelled over her shoulder.

With a laugh, Maura took off after the other woman, content to let her win the race because she was planning for them both to be winners a bit later in the afternoon.

* * *

Emma carefully aimed, tongue stuck down between her bottom lip and her front teeth as she concentrated on her throw. With a flick her wrist, the paper ball went flying through the air in a perfect arc, landing squarely in the trashcan beside the deputy's desk.

She leaned back in her chair and did a few celebratory fist pumps.

"So what's the score? 100-1, the trashcan?" David chuckled as he made his was to his desk, kicking paper balls out of his way as he went along. "I hope you realize I'm not picking these up."

"Yeah, yeah," she dismissively replied as she balled another piece of paper up. "Where've you been?"

"Mary Margaret wanted me to pick up the dry cleaning during lunch so we could pick Neal up before 5:30 today. She's got some kind of Mommy and Me workout schedule going on these days, and, apparently, the timing is 'very important' to Neal's routine." He shrugged. "Whatever makes her happy and keeps Neal healthy, I guess."

"Exciting." She threw the ball across the room, missing the waste basket and landing at David's feet. "So, it looks like we've got tourists in from Boston for the week."

He bent over and picked it up, tossing it into the trash and then began to work his way around the desk, picking up the balls, and easily dunking them into the basket. "That didn't take long. How'd you find out about them?"

"Ran into at the diner this morning when Regina and I ran in for a late breakfast." Emma sighed, clearly hesitating to say more but feeling like she ought to. "I know one of them."

David stopped mid-cleaning job to turn and look as his daughter. "Uh," he was torn between wanting to ask a million questions and not wanting to come off as intrusive. "Is that a good thing or a bad thing?"

"Yes?" She rolled her eyes. "They're a couple, Maura Isles and Jane Rizzoli. I know Rizzoli from my bounty hunter days. She's a detective for Boston homicide, and sometimes we had run-ins when we were chasing after the same guy. I know _of _Maura Isles. She's the Chief Medical Examiner for Boston." She ran a hand across the back of her neck, wincing slightly. "Rizzoli and I never got along all that great."

"And why is that?" He pushed up from his place on the floor and walked over to lean against her desk, crossing his arms as he listened.

"I don't know. I think Rizzoli thought I was getting in the way of her investigations, and I kind of thought she was just being a pain in the ass." Emma looked down at the badge on her belt and tapped it. "Looking back on it, she was probably more right than I was, but she's still a pain in the ass."

He nodded in an 'ah-ha' kind of way. "So not friends, then?"

"No." She shook her head in the negative. "Definitely _not_ friends, but I have to give her credit. The woman's good at what she does. I mean, I don't know what her closing rate is, but I bet it's high. She's like a predator on the hunt when she gets on a case or starts to realize something's off, and she _does not_ stop until she's gotten as far as she can." The sheriff hesitated in thought for a moment. "Actually, she could be trouble if we're not careful. She's a lot more observant than people tend to give her credit for."

"Maybe we should put out word to keep an eye on them, then? Since you know them, you could offer an olive branch and be their tour guides while they're here? You know, keep them in sight so nothing happens?" He took in a deep breath. "We don't want anything to get complicated."

"Regina's already taken care of it," Emma replied with a touch of annoyance. "I guess she had the same thought because she asked them over for dinner tomorrow night."

He nodded. "Well, she _does_ tend to think a few steps ahead."

"Yeah, and I cannot tell you how annoying that is when we're in the middle of an argument. I don't even know why I bother to start up the fight because I'm going to lose." She picked up another sheet of paper, balled it up, and tossed it at the trashcan. She missed. "Every. Single. Time."

David laughed. "Well _that_, Emma, is just what it feels like to be married."

"You couldn't have warned me before I said yes?" She tossed another paper ball. This time, it went into the trash.

"Please." He snorted. "You and Regina were married in all but official title _long_ before you said 'I do' to the woman." He went over to his desk to start picking up the missed baskets again. "But, seriously, we should probably send the world out to everyone to watch them."

"Yeah, I'm on it." She turned around and picked up the phone to start making calls. It was going to be a long afternoon.

* * *

**Sorry it's been so long! Life, you know? It gets in the way. Also, reviews are MUCH appreciated. ^_^**


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